Willow's theater journal

"My strength as an actor rested in the unshakable fait I had in make-believe. I made myself believe the characters' lives in the events of the play."

We had Blaire as an instructor again today. I really like her, and am looking forward to class with her next semester (she's teaching intermediate acting II)... but I'm still frustrated by the switcheroo they're pulling on us. I mean, I'm sure Steve will be wonderful, and I'm already excited to know that he's in the Mason Gross production of Brothers Karamazov this season... *shrug* Blaire said Steve will be in class on Monday, and I guess two classes isn't that bad. And at least he sent Blaire to us, so that we weren't totally wasting the first two classes.

We played Zip Zap Zop for most of today's class, and remarkably, I was in the top four. I usually suck at that game. Oh, and we played a slightly lame name game... I hate those sorts of things, but I do think it's really important to know the people in your acting class, and be comfortable with them. So while the games themselves are kind of lame, they are a good tool.

We took a short break after the games, and when we came back we talked about people (mostly actors) who inspired us and what it was about them that we found so inspiring. A lot of phenomenal actors were mentioned: Edward Norton, Nicole Kidman, Kevin Spacey, Thora Birch, Kate Winslet... I mentioned Alan Cumming. We'd been talking about actors who have the integrity to only take quality roles and how awesome they are for it... so I had to point out that people like Alan who often take pretty crappy roles (Spice World, anyone?), but still does the work, and still goes to those places, no matter how ludicrous the story/lines may be. Backing me up on this point, Jason (from my Creative Drama for Children class last spring) brought up Dennis Hopper's performance in that horrible Mario Brothers movie.

And then there was a fire in Walters hall... I think. We were in Jameson, and a bunch of people walked in to borrow the bed and bring it into the other studio. "There's a fire in Walters and we had to evacuate. We need your bed." *blink* I can only assume that, due to the evacuation, they had moved their class to the other studio in Jameson, and needed the bed for a scene or something. Either way, I hope all is well at Walters--that's where 95% of the theater department is located.

Intermediate Acting was a little bit of a let down. Our instructor had some sort of emergency to deal with, and sent someone else in his place. She was fine, but she gave me the impression that we'd have her for a week or two and then switch back to our actual instructor. This seems like it's going to seriously impede progress. I just know that in both of my basic acting classes the instructor spent the first few weeks getting to know us and playing theater games, so that she could assign scenes she thought would be good for us. *shrug* Acting is such an intimate process that I just don't like the idea of switching instructors a few weeks in. But who knows? Maybe everything will be fine.

-----------------------------

Indentured Servit--er, I mean, Theater Practice met for the first time yesterday, and was boring as all sin. We don't get our shop/show assignments until Tuesday, so yesterday was just administrative, "tell us which shop or show you'd like to do and indicate any conflicts you may have," kind of day. In any case, I'm hoping that I'll get to run costume maintenance for Much Ado in December. I worked in a shop last semester, and they encourage everyone to run for a show and work a shop over the course of the two semesters. Besides, my day schedule is pretty crammed, and I'd rather go crazy for two or three weeks, than be crazy all semester trying to fit shop hours in.

Costume maintenance tends to be the most flexible running job, and if I get it, I should be able to schedule hours in such a way that I can still work some evenings. Which is good, because any other running job will require me to take at least two weeks off of work at WWL--which would really put me in a pinch financially.

-----------------------------

I'm very excited about Script Analysis. The professor is David Letwin, who I had all summer for theater history (which I didn't talk about here because, well... what's to talk about?). He's a real hardass when it comes to attendance and things like that, but I really enjoy his lectures, and have had some great debates in his classes. Plus he's an actor (and fellow trekkie, but that's besides the point), which means he approaches things from a perspective that is meaningful to me. Squee!

-----------------------------

My first Stage Management class is in two hours. I'm sort of luke warm about this. On the one hand, it's taught by the head of the theater department, and since I'm planning on applying to grad school here, getting on her good side could be very beneficial. On the other hand the topic is stage management... which just doesn't really excite me much. *shrug* We'll see.

-----------------------------

Directing is on Monday. I'm pretty excited about this class. It's always seemed to me that directing and acting are very closely intertwined, and I think this class could give me a little more perspective in my work.

My theater classes are going well so far. I suppose. It's the second week of the semester, so it's a little hard to tell, really.

Scenic Art 2 is really just more of the same. New information, of course, but Joe's still the same crotchety old man.

I have Shari for both Creative Drama for Children and for Storytelling. The later has met only once so far, and was cancelled due to a lack of attendance. Blech. As for Creative Drama, I'm less than enthused. We're going to be working with children, which I have mixed feelings about. Sometimes I think that I really like children, and other times I just can't deal with them. Besides that, Shari is teaching us how to teach, by modelling. In some ways this is very informative. In others it makes me want to drill a hole in my temple. We spend most of the class playing games. Games designed to appeal to fifth graders.

And Shari's a grammer nazi of the worst order. I don't normally mind grammer nazis, but for some reason I get this incredible urge to hit her when she corrects people. It may have something to do with the word "like". It's a pet peeve of hers when, like, people, like, use the word, "like", like, any old time. I don't blame her. It can really get to me sometimes too. But she's the sort to pounce on you every time you say the word in an improper context. Even so. I was telling her that she reminded me a little of one of my high school English teachers "...because 'like'--" At which point she interrupted me to tell me how annoying my so-called speech tick was. When she was done ranting, I picked up the thread of my sentence, and finished, "Because 'like' was a pet peeve of hers as well." Stupid, I know, but it drove me nuts.

Anyway, back on topic: theater and stuff.

Theater practice is... well, is it educational? Sure. Is it slave labor for the theater department? Absolutely. In my first class, I helped focus some of the lights for one of the shows, and learned a whole bunch. Today I moved a bunch of teasers and legs from the batons they were already on, to batons two feet away. Not very educational, but man are my hands raw!

Today was our last working day of class. We ran five scenes, I think, including the Baby Dance.

Our scene was probably the best it's ever ben (even if we did skip a whole section). I think our relationship was the most real it's ever been, as was the baby itself. The props added a lot too--we really had something to do with ourselves during those uncomfortable silences.

Anyway, Sarah said something very touching after class, about wishing that she had us for another semester, and what a joy it's been to watch us grow as actors.

I'm really going to miss this class.

Haven't updated much about this week. And by "much," I mean "at all."

Tuesday Rachel and I did our scene. It was better than the last time, I think. I, and I think Rachel, were more invested in the situation. Sarah had us employ a device she's used with others in the past. We had to insert before each line, "I really want you to know." It felt awkward and unhelpful, but after we did the scene, George (who had used the same device--different phrase) was saying that he saw a major change after we started doing that, but that when he had done it, the exercise felt, well, awkward and unhelpful. Knowing how well the exercise had worked for him (and others), I'm willing to believe that it improved our performance.

I'm finding Rachel to be a frustrating scene partner. After our first Tuesday-morning rehearsal, we'd agreed that Tuesday mornings would be our time for rehearsal, no matter what. Last Tuesday she called me from the city to say she couldn't make it. Yesterday we were trying to figure out a time to meet, and we couldn't find anything. So I said, "Well, we'll just have to make sure that we get together Tuesday." She made some face and said she probably wouldn't be able to make it then. Um... wtf? I know she's busy--so am I. But when I say I'm going to set a certain time aside for something, especially something that effects someone else, then I do just that.

Thursday in class, I grew even more frustrated with one of my classmates (the lesser of two actors from Nov. 7). He seems incapable of taking a note. The last time they performed the scene together, Sarah managed to get some genuine emotion out of him. Yesterday... well, Sarah pretty well summed up my thoughts while she was giving them their notes. "Volume does not equal emotion. Throwing things, does not equal anger." This was especially funny as George had thrown things in anger during the scene immediately before, and it had been very powerful. It made this other guy throwing things look even worse by comparison.

Class today was fairly typical. Ten minutes, yoga and then scenes. Jackie and George's scene was phenomenal, and everyone's scenes were improved from the last time I saw them.

Kadeon (I somehow doubt that's how her name is spelled) had some sort of panic attack near the end of the period, and Sarah let us out early in order to take care of her.

That said, I really didn't get much out of today's class.

Class began with ten minutes as usual. Rachel, my new scene partner was late and, having myself been absent for a week, I thought Sarah's head might explode if we didn't get to do Baby Dance again today. LUckily Rachel came in during ten minutes, so there was nothing to worry about.

Rachel and I hadn't been in touch this past week, so the only part of the play I'd read was our scene. Rachel gave me a quick plot synopsis while we photocopied the scene, and gave me her copy (I couldn't find a copy in the library) to read before our next class. I'm also going to type up our scene without the bits Sarah cut, and print out a copy for both of us.

Our first reading went pretty well, I think. I imagine that I'll be able to invest more in the role after I've read the whole play.

Sarah said that we, as a class had gotten off to a stronger start with these scenes, than with the last. We talked about what we'd learned through our last scenes, and how this class compared to our acting 1 classes. Besides the fact that Sarah is infinitely more organized than Molly, this calls seems less clique-y, and I'm more comfortable with more people in this class. Additionally, the class as a w2hole, takes the subject matter more seriously. Although, not everyone in acting 2 is a theater major, the people tho took acting 1 for "an easy grad," have been weeded out.

On my way out, after class, I ran into Abby from my acting 1 class. We talked about a bunch of stuff and she encouraged me again to audition for the Crucible in /December. She hardly had to, since I've already decided to do so, but her enthusiasm is still really nice. Maybe she just wants her friend (the director) to have a lot of people to choose from, but her praise of my acting is still a good ego boost.

This should have been an incredibly moving play. It's an incredibly moving story. And yet, I just couldn't get emotionally involved. At first I wasn't sure what the problem was--the acting? the direction? the script? I had no idea. And then I found it, or at least the core of it.

Near the end of the play Mrs. Kendal disrobes in front of Merrick (the Elephant Man), and there are a lot of emotions flying about on stage and it's powerful. This was one of the few moments in the show that I really, honestly cared. Then in walks Frederick. He walks into Merrick's room, shouts at Mrs. Kendal for her impropriety and her loose morals, then sends her packing.

This too, should have been moving. But as I watched, all I could think was, "My gods, Sarah yells at people in class for this all the time! He's not absorbing anything, he's not taking anything in. He knew, walking into that room, that she'd be topless and that he'd have to yell at her, so he didn't bother to see that she was naked before he forced himself into some false emotion." It was really terrible.

He was, by far, the worst actor on that stage, and I think he had more lines and stage time than even Merrick. The actor playing Merrick, by the way, was phenomenal. Those few occasions when I was actually pulled into the story all centered on him.

Class yesterday was a little boring. It tends to get a little less interesting once you've seen the scenes a couple of times. Sarah flipped out a bit after she caught a couple of people reading/doing crosswords. I don't blame her, really. On the other hand, I don't entirely blame them, either.

Rachel was absent for the second class in a row, which I suppose is karma rearing it's ugly head. So I didn't perform. Blech.

During our first set of scenes a classmate commented to me about another classmate, "How did he even pass acting 1?" I found this rather amusing, since the second classmate in question has always struck me as rather a better actor than the first. The truth in this is all the more glaring now that they're scene partners.

I was late to class today, which was especially frustrating considering my recent absences. I came in during 10 minutes of nothing. I put down my things and laid down to join them as quietly as I could. Yoga followed as usual, and finally we began working on scenes.

Rachel wasn't in today, so naturally we didn't do Baby Dance. I'd retyped our scene, without all the cut parts, and spent some time (while others were prepping) high-lighting my copy.

the scenes were all really good, and it was interesting to watch Katie, when not performing opposite her. Also, there is at least one person in that class that I seriously regret not getting to perform with.

Sarah reminded us that the Elephant Man opens this weekend, and that we have to go see it.

Ooh! After class I mentioned The Crucible to her, and she asked me if I was auditioning. She encouraged us all to go on auditions, but her excitement was really nice. Encouragement and compliments about my acting is nice coming from anyone, but it's especially wonderful coming from a mentor.

Rachel and I got together this morning/afternoon to rehearse. We agreed that this was a good time for both of us, and that we should always meet at this time. Now we're guaranteed at least one rehearsal per week.

Anyway, class began with

[entry unfinished--I'm not sure why]

Class began with a discussion of Serenading Louis, the play that Sarah was in last week. Unfortunately, studying and other obligations kept me away from Jameson last week and last weekend. Everyone said the show as really good, and that Sarah was wonderful. I really regret missing this show.

After the spontaneous discussion was over, we did 10 minutes of nothing and lots of yoga, most of which we've never done before. A lot of it was really interesting, but I need to remember not to wear these jeans to acting anymore--I couldn't even sit back on my heals in a squat, something I've never had a problem with.

We took a short break and when we came back, Sarah assigned us our new scenes. Rachel and I were assigned a scene from The Baby Dance--I get to be a knocked-up, Southern hick. Oh, and I live in a trailer park. :p Seriously, though, it looks like a really good scene. Definitely much lighter than The Children's Hour, but not without its drama. From what I read, Rachel (Rachel) is some high-income, upper-class broad who can't have children. I (Wanda) already have more kids than I can afford, and she's adopting my unborn child.

They didn't have a copy of Baby Dance in the library, so I haven't read the whole text yet. I'm trying not to speculate about my character until I've read the play--I don't want to get something in my head, then find out it contradicts something in the play. But there's so much going on with her that it's hard not to think about it. Even on that short half-read-through, lines like, "I'm not going to mess up your baby," jump out at me.

Admittedly, I'm going to miss Katie and The Children's Hour (she'd scream if she heard me say that!). Katie and I got on so well that it was a real joy to work with her. And as much as she hated that scene, and as hard as it was... I kind of liked it. I enjoyed bringing myself to that suicidal place, and then turning around and returning to my actual life.

And, while I'm not upset to be working with Rachel (as soon as she stopped whining, her performance improved dramatically), I was sort of hoping to have a scene with a guy. It's silly, really. I just haven't had a scene with a guy since high school, and I figured it'd be a nice change of pace. Still, I'm excited about this scene and it's a lot more immediately accessible than the last scene... Fell guilty: you're in love with your best friend, and she's a SHE! ...but my best friend knows I have a crush on her, and reciprocates. The only real reason we've never taken a stab at a relationship is our relationships with others. ...Okay... Be ashamed and shattered: your life has been ruined by the rumor that you and your best friend are lesbians. ...Er, see above. And I'm openly bisexual, and not the teensiest bit ashamed of it. ...See what I mean? I'm usually pretty good at putting myself in the character's shoes, seeing through their eyes, etc... But for some reason this was really hard with Martha.

Anyway, we played some games after that. We started with Stealing the Bone from the Dog, but the radiator in that room makes a lot of noise and the game was hard to play. So we switched over to a ball/name game, like the ones we played with Clark (the substitute from Sept. 11--double-checking the date, it suddenly dawned on me what he might have meant by "life happened to Sarah today." Some of us had speculated that she was spending the day with her boyfriend, who moved to L.A. shortly thereafter... of course, it turns out that Clark is her boyfriend, so that can hardly be the case). This game didn't go so well either, at least in part because George and Mookie wouldn't throw the ball to anyone but each other.

Eventually we started some brand new games which, Sarah later informed us, were beginning clown work. These weren't really games so much as exercises. The first involved three people sitting in a row. The first person was in the laughing chair, the second in the neutral chair, and the third in the crying chair. I'm sure you can guess what the two on either end had to do, but the person in the neutral chair had (as it seemed to me) the more difficult job. First, s/he had to stay neutral while the people on either side of her/him were hysterical. But then, while either of those people were touching her/him, s/he had to take on that same emotion, and revert back to neutral the minute they stopped touching her/him. I didn't get to do this exercise, but it seemed really interesting.

After this Sarah had us all but let ourselves fall, and asked us to remember that bodily feeling, so that we could reproduce it on command. She asked us to turn away from each other, and to bring that feeling back, and just let ourselves fall (emotionally). Some people started crying, and I nearly did. She had us stop this, and turn back to face the class. We were instructed to let our hearts leap out of our chest and to feel happy. Those of us who let ourselves go laughed and laughed and laughed. Some people started laughing, but it was a reserved, I'm laughing because I'm surrounded by crazies, sort of laugh. A couple others didn't laugh at all, and just looked at us like we belonged in a mental institute.

Sarah finally told us to calm down and return to a neutral point, but a lot of us, Sarah included, were very giggly from there on out. The next exercise involved five people sitting in a row. The first person would begin laughing, quietly enough, and touch the second. Then both people would laugh a little harder, and so on up. When it got to the fifth person all five were hysterically laughing. Then the laugh descended again, as the fifth person touched the fourth, etc. This exercise I did participate in, and it was helpful. I don't know how much a learned necessarily, but it was definitely practice in bringing out emotions on command.

Everyone gave the final performance of their scenes today. Everyone said we did well, but frankly I was disappointed with my performance. I felt I'd done better the last time we brought it in front of the class.

Katie and I rehearsed on Wednesday, and my performance that day was really bad. It was forced and contrived and alone with Katie, I was painfully aware of the audience-that-wasn't. I'm really not sure what that was about. Today wasn't nearly so bad, but it also didn't seem nearly as natural and real as it had last week.

Part of me wonders if it wasn't planning out the blocking. I know that sounds silly, but stay with me for a minute. Most of my "acting" experience comes from RPGs, LARPs and Ren. Faires. I've had some stage time, certainly, but most of that has been at Rocky which is 95% pantomime and improv. Most of my acting experience has been in settings that require improv and adlibbing and little to nothing else.

I've always considered myself very bad at improv because I'm not very witty or funny. But the more I think about it, the more I think that my strength may lie in being a character and reacting and living as that character. The more information I'm given about how to react and how to live, the more difficult it becomes. Dialogue has never seemed particularly difficult hurtle, but maybe blocking and stage direction are. *shrug* Or maybe I just couldn't get into that space today for no good reason at all. who knows?

I often recall an occasion in Marlboro VT, the beginning of my sophomore year of high school. I'd gone up for the weekend partly to visit my sister, but largely to play a game with the only LARP Master I've ever had. I played the half-sister to the King, whom I idolized, and, as I discovered through my own crush on the actress, Jodi, in love with one of my nation's generals. The game took place in one day, although the story spanned a period of time much longer than that. Near the end of the day I witnessed the brutal murder of my brother, the King, and broke down, sobbing. My general asked if I was alright and I told her of course I was not alright--my brother was dead! She asked me again, addressing me by my real name, and I realized that she had broken character; Jodi was concerned about me, not the general about her princess. I calmed down briefly to tell her I was fine and that it was all in character. Jodi blanched for a moment then said, "I can't even do that." At the time Jodi was working toward her masters in theater.

It's on days like today, when I'm absolutely disenchanted with myself, that I cling to that memory and think, "look, look! I am a good actress, really I am."

Before class today Katie and I got together and walked through blocking for our scene. I didn't particularly feel the need for this, as I'm likely to forget the blocking and just do whatever the hell I feel compelled to do in the moment. We tried to do this once before, but when we performed the scene in class it didn't go as planned (gee, I wonder why). I think today's blocking will go a lot better, as I based my end of things on what I did Thursday in class anyway. Just the same, this will probably help Katie out more than me.

We started class off with a discussion of For Colored Girls.... I was glad to hear that I was not the only one underwhelmed by the production as a whole, nor the only one who takes issue with the double standard--try writing a play about the trials of being white or male in todays society (I don't care who you are, nobody's life is peaches and cream, 24/7) and calling it "For Caucasian Men..." and see how riled up the surrounding community gets.

I had trouble focusing during 10 minutes of nothing. I have a lot of exams and papers coming up, and I kept trying to schedule things inside my head. While other people prepared for their scenes I made a list of everything I need to do, and when I need to do it. Hopefully that will keep my mind quiet during Thursday's relaxation exercise.

For Colored Girls... was not a play, but a choreopoem, I was informed today. Had I known that (and what a choreopoem is), I may have enjoyed it more. As it was, I went into this show expecting a linear narrative, not a bunch of girl dressed up like rejects from Rainbow Brite saying things like, "You tell it, girl" during one another's monologues.

Individually, each monologue was generally well acted, although I found it hard to invest myself in any of them. Most of the actresses were very good, although one of them seemed to be playing a charicature (more so than the others) and another just plain annoyed me. Interestingly it was this last girl who delivered the final, most powerful monologue.

There were some moments that were truly very beautiful, but on the whole, the piece fell flat. I was generally indifferent, unmoved, unaffected, and underwhelmed.

Class went well today, I think. Katie and I went first. We didn't get to rehearse yesterday as we'd planned, but I know I'd worked on my own, and I think she had as well.

I forgot to bring my own idependent life, which made things a little more difficult; I can't wait to start working with actual props. I think it'll make things a lot easier.

Sarah made an excellent point about my character in the beginning of the scene. When I tell Karen that I love her, I'm revealing it to her, but I'm not realizing it for the first time. So I need to carry the weight and the guilt of that knowledge with me for the whole scene. It's going to be really difficult to find an as if for that.

Tuesday in class we continued to read through scenes at the table, finishing all but one that day. Thursday the last scene was read, and then it was time for Katie and me again. Sarah got us on our feet for the first few beats of the scene, and it felt so much better that way. Things seemed more natural because, well, they were. You just don't have conversations like that sitting across a table from one another.

Katie seemed to be having problems getting into the scene, and Sarah suggested a method of Chekhov's. Imagine your heart falling out of your chest. It's such a simple image, but if you really, truly follow through and imagine that, it's really powerful. The change in Katie was visible.

After our scene, class took a short break, and then it was back to watching scenes. There are some really talented people in that class, and Sarah's assigned some really great scenes. I can't wait to see some of them after they've been polished up a bit.

Thursday in class we began table work with our scenes. Katie and I went first, and I think it went pretty well. We'd talked about the scene and the play as a whole, but hadn't actually read the scene together before this. Sarah gave us some really good notes, and I think the scene will shape up nicely.

Last night's audition went pretty well, I think. Sam and Jackie never showed up, but Katie was there, and I think we were really good for one another's nerves. We warmed up together (along with a couple other people) and sang our songs in front of one another a couple times, hoping that that would cut down on our nervousness once we were actually in the audition.

The casting committee was sitting behind a long desk, but they were somehow more casual and less intimidating than the folks at Cabaret who were lounging carelessly on couches and easy chairs. *shrug*

I sang Mein Herr again, as I hadn't had time to prepare anything else. After my song, they asked me to sing a few scales, to test my range, and told me to check the website Friday night--I think that's a good sign. I mean, if I'd been really suck-tacular, they wouldn't have cared what my range is, right?

I don't have any dance experience, which I think will count against me as Pippin and Kiss Me Kate are both very dance-heavy shows for the chorus. Also, they only gave one alto part on the "list of parts" for both shows--Pippin's Grandmother, Berthe. On the up-side that's not a dance-oriented role, and it's in my range. On the down-side she's in one scene, and it's the single most boring scene in the entire show. I'm not even sure why she's considered a main character. I guess because she has her own song... even if it is a crappy song.

The role I really want is Fastrada. It's a soprano role, but it's lower-end soprano, so I know I could manage it (I used to sing soprano in high school, it just takes a little more practice). But honestly, I'd also love a part in the chorus. Doesn't look quite as good on a resume, but I think it'd be at least as much fun as a main role.

Hey, nothing like counting your eggs before they're hatched. Let's see if I even get a call back.